Guest Blogger: From A Rape Recovery Journal

 This is my very first guest blogger!! She writes, on her own blog, about the difficult recovery process as a recent survivor of sexual violence. I think it is so important that we, as survivors, feel empowered to speak candidly about our experiences and feelings. Sexual violence is a crime that aims to silence it's victims and being able to speak out, if we want to, can be very helpful to a healing process. So, without further ado, an entry from A Rape Recovery Journal:

On June 2^nd, 2013 I was raped.. and I am okay.

                I have been writing that same sentence down over, and over, and over again for five months. It has been somewhat therapeutic for me. Sometimes I need that little reminder that I am okay, and I will be okay.. it will just take some time, and until then I am choosing to focus on the things that make me happy. 

                It has been a long five months for me; quiet possibly that hardest five months of my life. I find it funny when people talk about how emotional “the average” teenage girl is, because they clearly have not had to put up with a teen girl that has been raped.

                I think a lot of my emotions have come from confusion, and not having answers. The day after my rape I remember asking my sister how I was supposed to feel, she told me there wasn’t a specific emotion I should be feeling. That made me mad. So incredibly mad. I was mad at her for not telling me what to do. I was mad at myself for being so confused. Most of all I was mad at my rapist for putting me in this situation.

                However, lately I have been trying to look at the positive. I have been so down in the dumps lately that one morning I woke up and didn’t even recognize myself. I had not been the person that I want to be.

                I have to remind myself that I am not the only one who is unhappy. Everyone has something to be upset about. I am doing my best to dwell on my happy days rather than my sad days. I have been doing the things that make me happy, and trying to be happy doing the things that don’t.

                I have been trying to turn this tragedy into a learning experience. I’ve been trying to come out of this depression by looking at life differently. I have been using more positive words: awesome, amazing, beautiful, great, precious, fun, smile, laugh, love, fresh..

                It’s okay to let this experience change me as long as it’s for the better. Life is about change and adaption. I am doing my best to move on from the past and dwell on the happy in my life.

-From A Rape Recovery Journal